Thoughtful Wife

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THRIFT
"Thoughtful Wife"

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"I got such a thoughtful wife. Don't come no more thoughtful than she, I reckon."

"What's that wife a' yours gone an' done now? I can see by lookin' that she ain't done no sewin' nor mendin'. Leastways, not on nothin' you is wearing, she ain't."

"It ain't her homey skills I'm a referin' right now. It's her buyin' abilities I'm a referin'."

"Buying abilities!? That wor'man a' yours shore got plenty a' that, shore 'nough. Ever' shop in this here town is only goin' strong on account a' her spendin' abilities."

"Causes us menfolks problems as well. Y'er wife's spendin' is got my wife a thinkin' she should oughta' be able to do the same."

"You nailed that one on the head, you did. My wife's f'erever asken' fer money. 'Give me a dollar," she says. "Give me five dollar," she says. Money, money. Al'as askin' fer money."

"That's a shame, shore enough. What she go an' spend all that money on?"

"Don't know. I never gived her none."

"That's sensible. Worm'ans just goes an' spends it on none sensical things like handbags an' hats. Not like us menfolks."

"I agrees."

"You agrees? On what does you agrees?"

"What you said, us menfolk spends our moneys smartly."

"Right you are. Things like rake handles an' plowshares."

"An' grub."

"And boots, gloves and such necessaries."

"An' beer an' whiskey, an' cigars."

"Well, I can't rightly say that....."

"An' hats."

"Hats!"

"Hats?"

"Shore, hats. Man's got ta' have hats about."

"Man don't need but one hat for his one head, I al'as say. One head, one hat, I al'as say."

"'Course, if a fella's got two heads....."

"What fella has got two heads? Don't be nonsensical."

"They's times a feller needs a peculiar hat what ain't sweat-soaked an' cow-stomped."

"Like when?"

"Like dress up, go-to-meetin' kind a' days. Man needs a good hat fer them kind a' days."

"No such a thing."

"'Course not. Where my hat ain't welcome, I'm not a goin'."

"Hats is woman's stuff. For some confounded reason, they appears to need a room full a' them."

"Speakin' a which, Archie, what is it your wife is gone an' done what's so noteworthy?"

"Tha's right. You said your wife done gone an' got thrifty-like. I hardly believes such is possible."

"Fairy tales, is what it is. No wor'mans can do such a thing."

"Say what you pleases. Mine is gone and done it none the same."

"Words is cheap. What's she gone an' done?"

"She gone and bought a hat and...."

"I know'd it. Shore enough. I know'd there'd be a hat in it."

"All womens buys hats. What's so peculiar in that, Archie?"

"She saved me some money, that's what's so peculiarly special about it."

"How can your wife spendin' money on nonsensical things save you money? I'd just like you to explanitory that, if you please."

"She bought herself a hat on sale, that's what she did. Half-off, she done told me. Saved me five dollar, sure as shootin'."

"That's pure tommyrot, Archie. Your wor'man's done pulled the smoke over your eyes."

"How many hat's your wife's got, Archie? Five, ten maybe?

"More, I'd reckon, like a dozen. Maybe two. Maybe three. Never counted 'em myself. Not too sure I could count that high if'n I wanted."

"See? My point exacital. Nonsensical and tommyrot, that's what it is."

"Hold on now, fellas. Maybe it t'aint all what it appears. Archie, how many heads your wife have on her shoulders?"

"Just the one I know of."

"Ok, that done settles it. It's what it appears alright."

"That's a good 'n. You shore done put the kibosh of that reckoning."

"You're wife's done got you snookered, Archie. Kind a' like when my wife does me a wrong, then twists it full around til it 'ppears that I is the misdeeder."

"Your wor'man does that too?"

"Mine too. Jus' part a bein' women folk, I'm supposin'."